Saturday, October 26, 2013
Vampires Suck
Vampires Suck is a 2010 vampire spoof film based on the Twilight film series[3] and directed by Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer. It stars Jenn Proske, Matt Lanter, Christopher N. Riggi, Ken Jeong, Anneliese
van der Pol, and Arielle Kebbel
Plot
Becca
Crane (Jenn
Proske) moves to Sporks to
live with her clueless father, Sheriff Frank (Diedrich Bader), after her mother starts an affair with Tiger Woods. Meanwhile, killings have been happening to random
people and the number one suspects are the Canadians. It is in fact a group of vampires, who are
(apparently) commonly confused with the Black Eyed Peas. Becca is quickly
befriended by many students at her new high school, (which is odd, considering
the welcome she was given) including Jennifer (Anneliese van der Pol) but she is intrigued by the mysterious and aloof
Edward Sullen (Matt
Lanter), who perplexes her
during their time in the biology class, despite thinking she smells of tuna.
Later, Becca is nearly struck by a van in the school
parking lot. Edward inexplicably moves from several feet away and stops the
vehicle by thrusting another student in its path without any harm to himself or
Becca (the other student is very badly injured). He later refuses to explain
this act to Becca and warns her against befriending him. After much research,
she tells Edward that she knows what he is, but reaches the wrong conclusion
that he is a Jonas Brother. Edward corrects her, saying he is a vampire but that he only consumes animal blood (and the Real
Housewives of Atlanta), and shows her the shiny bling he wears under his
clothes. He also states he is a killer, and shoots Alice (from Alice in
Wonderland) The pair fall in love, and he introduces Becca to his vampire
family on her birthday. While unwrapping a gift, Becca gets a paper cut, after
which one of the newer vampires (Jeremiah) runs at her. Edward flings her back,
and then does the same to Jeremiah. She then starts to bleed from her arm, and
the blood falls in a pyramid-shape of champagne glasses. After locking his dad and brother in tanning
beds, he notices Becca has a nose bleed. Realizing the danger that he and his family pose to
Becca, Edward rides a Segway PT out to the woods. He then proceeds to break up
with Becca, who throws a temper tantrum after he leaves. After the fit, the
three vampires that killed the fisherman appears. Becca begins to be eaten, but
Edward shows up. After Jack retrieves his fangs from Becca's arm and leaps at
Edward, Edward dispatches him by knocking his head off with a baseball bat.
Jack's head flies through Sheriff Frank's car window, and he blames the Kardashians.
Edward's departure leaves Becca heartbroken for
months. She discovers that thrill-seeking activities and attempted suicides evoke Edward's preserved image. She is also comforted
by her deepening friendship with Jacob White (Christopher N. Riggi), the cheerful childhood friend who eases her pain
over losing Edward. When Becca is accosted in the woods by the last of the
nomadic vampires (the third not appearing, as she was recast), Jacob transforms
into a Chihuahua as his werewolf pack arrives to save her. Meanwhile,
Edward has moved to Rio de Janeiro and is now dating Lady Gaga to get over losing Becca. When his sister arrives and
tells him that, with her gift of prophecy, she has seen Becca kill herself. Edward becomes
depressed and decides to provoke the "Zolturi", a powerful vampire coven, by exposing himself
in the sunlight at 'St.
Salvatore's day' school
prom and forcing them to kill him for revealing that vampires exist. His sister
has another vision of Becca's survival as he leaves, but she is unable to warn
him.
Edward's sister arrives at Becca's house in her Porsche 911, and tells her she has to save Edward by showing him
she is still alive. Jacob appears and demands that Becca choose between him and
Edward, but just before she announces her decision he is distracted by a cat
and runs off to chase it. Upon arriving at the prom, Becca is caught between
the warring factions of Edward fangirls and Jacob
fangirls. She is unable to
reach Edward before he exposes himself, figuratively and literally. However, twilight occurs (followed by a new moon and an eclipse), concealing Edward's vampire nature as Becca gets
him to safety. But after a fight between him and the Zolturi leader, Daro (Ken Jeong), Edward is forced to make Becca into a vampire or
else he will be killed horribly. He agrees to do so only on the condition that
she marry him, which she accepts.
The film concludes with Edward taking a blow to the head
from the head Jacob fangirl, who shouts "Team Jacob, bitch!" Edward
survives the blow, and the girl is attacked by the newly vampirized Becca.
Cast
·
Jenn Proske as
Becca Crane
·
Matt Lanter as
Edward Sullen
·
Diedrich Bader as
Frank Crane
·
Ken Jeong as
Daro
·
Anneliese van der Pol as Jennifer
·
Arielle Kebbel as
Rachel
·
Charlie Weber as Jack
·
Crista Flanagan as
Eden
·
Jun Hee Lee as
Derric
·
David DeLuise as
Fisherman Scully
·
Ike Barinholtz as
Bobby White
·
Dave Foley as
Principal Smith
·
Randal Reeder as
Biker Dude
·
B.J. Britt as Antoine
·
Emily Brobst as June
·
Bradley Dodds as Salvatore
·
Mike Mayhall as Nicholas
·
Rett Terrell as Max
·
Stephanie Fischer as Rosalyn
·
Nick Eversman as
Jeremiah
·
Zane Holtz as
Alex
·
Jeff Witzke as Dr. Carlton
·
Kelsey Ford as Iris
·
Helena Barrett as Alice
·
Matthew Warzel as John
Release date
Vampires Suck was released on August 18, 2010, in
the United States, Canada and Russia, August 26 in Australia and was released on October 15 in Britain. 20th Century Fox did not provide
advance screenings of the film for critics.
Release
Critical reception
Vampires Suck received almost universally negative reviews from
critics and an approval rating of 4% on Rotten Tomatoes, with the consensus being "Witlessly broad and
utterly devoid of laughs, Vampires
Suck represents a slight step
forward for the Friedberg-Seltzer team." And
on The Rotten Tomatoes Show, comedian Ron Babcock said that it's "scary that
this movie made two million dollars more in its opening weekend than Scott Pilgrim vs the World." He then proceeded to say "America, can
you guys get your shit together?" Another
review aggregator, Metacritic, calculated an average score of 18 based on 16
critics, the worst score for a
wide release in 2010. Jenn
Proske's performance received some praise.
Spill.com, whose video reviews are usually around five minutes
long and censored, had a twenty second review which consisted of Korey Coleman
staring blankly into the camera before uttering, "Fuck you" (which is
the lowest rating the website gives) uncensored. In the audio commentary from the site,
Coleman stated that "The films that these two directors make are so
blatant at being nothing more than a juvenile finger pointing at an image or
mention of a popular trend that, to me, they seem exploitive of a young culture
raised to have an ever-decreasing attention span, thanks to the Internet and
channel surfing and, this may sound a little crazy, but, I think it shows a
slight de-evolution in what people will accept as entertainment." The review by Peter Travers of Rolling Stone was only four words long, which simply stated:
"This movie sucks more." Film
critic Mark Kermode reviewed the film on his Radio 5 show, prefacing the
review by saying "It's no surprise to know that it's all terrible,
witless, boring, terror". He criticized the film for what he perceived as
stale subject matter, saying that the Twilight franchise had left the public consciousness and was no-longer
fit for parody, "It's not just that the ship has sailed; it's that the
ship has sailed, gone across the Atlantic, hit an iceberg, sunk, been dragged up at least one
company, been turned into the biggest movie hit ever, and is now currently
being retrofitted for 3D for an anniversary re-release." Another review from Collider.com's
Jake Horowitz said that "not a single thing in its dreadful 82 minutes
running time is even remotely worth watching, or considered even slightly
entertaining." He then wrote that "no amount of review can make up
for what I witnessed while watching Vampires
Suck. How wrong I was to assume that it was even watchable, because with
each over-done hit on the head or kick in the balls I cringed at the thought of
this movie making nearly $80 million worldwide; and imagining people
actually laughing in a theatre somewhere."
Vampires Suck was given four nominations from the 31st Golden Raspberry Awards, including Worst Picture, Worst Director, Worst
Screenplay and Worst Prequel, Remake, Rip-Off or Sequel.
Box office
In the United States, the film opened at #1 on August
18 with $4,016,858. On August 19,
the film dropped to #3 behind The Expendables and Eat Pray Love with $2,347,044.By the weekend, Vampires Suck landed at #2 behind The Expendables and $200,000 over Eat Pray Love. The full second week the film dropped
to #11, grossing no more than $500 per theater, respectively. In its second
weekend, the film dropped more than 50% from its opening weekend but rose to
#6. As of July 12, 2012 the film has grossed $80,547,866 worldwide
From Wikipedia
Download Link : (Torrent)
